Lizzie

Hello friends,

I really didn't plan on posting about Lizzie on my blog or Facebook, just because I felt like I didn't have the right to. Yes, she was a great friend to me, but she had many friends that were a lot closer to her, so I felt as though I didn't have the right to feel as sad as I did. But, on Wednesday morning when I got the news, I broke down. It's been actually really hard for me these past few days. 

I wasn't ever super close to Lizzie. We had always been church friends and I admired her for being such an amazing Christian even through some of her personal struggle that she would share during Sunday school and various bible studies. But, we weren't ever the "call each other up on the weekend to hang out" type friends.

We both went off to our different colleges, and didn't speak to each other for quite some time. 

As most of you know, my first semester at UT Tyler did not go well. I ended up dropping out after the first month, and living with my boyfriend at the time. I did not claim God as my savior, and I was very very far from where I needed to be, doing bad things to my mind and body.

My family desperately tried to get me to come home and try to get my life back on track, but I ignored all of their pleas and eventually ignored their phone calls. I didn't answer any texts or phone calls because I knew that everyone thought I was crazy and just wanted me to come back to lufkin. 

One random day, I got a text from Lizzie. She just asked me how I was doing, as if we had just talked the day before. She kept asking questions about school and what I was doing now. I felt a little embarrassed telling Lizzie that I had dropped out and pretty much given up, but she never showed any judgement at all. She kept the conversation very casual, and just ended it by saying "I'm praying for you." 

This little conversation really stuck with me, because she hadnt said that I was "wrong" or "bad" for the situation I was in. For the next weeks, she texted me often. Almost everyday. Asking how I was doing, and just having casual conversation again. Never once passing a single judgement. I finally opened up to Lizzie and told her how terrible I felt, and how depressed I had gotten. Opening up to Lizzie took so much weight off of my shoulders. I remember telling her "I really don't know what to do anymore." Her response was "when I don't know what to do, I pray first...but then I ask my family" 

The next week, I was back home in Lufkin with my family. I was back in church trying to salvage what little relationship with God I still had. I owe a lot to Lizzie, and thinking back on everything these past few days, I really wish I would have done so many things differently. I wish I would have thanked her for being there for me even though we weren't the "best of friends". I wish I would have taken more pictures with her to remember our ridiculous times together. I wish I would have gone to see her more often. So many things that I can't change now. 

Now, I'm married (which Lizzie always said was "so weird!!") and my life is back on track. My relationship with God is still not where it needs to be, and this is just another way that Lizzie has touched my life. Her passing has helped me realize that I have a lot of work to do if I want to live like Lizzie. It might be hard, and some days I might feel like I can't go on, but it is possible, and I can do it. 

So to Lizzie, I say thank you. Thank you for caring about me and loving me. Thank you for showing me how to live in God's image. Thank you for the laughs, thank you for the memories, and thank you for giving me my family back. 

I love you, and I'll see you later. 

This is Reality

Hello Friends!
Last night I was looking around on Pinterest (a guilty pleasure of mine) and I found the link to a blog post titled "100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter"
I read it, and it was the most wonderful thing I've ever read. So heartfelt, and just genuinely sweet. While, I am NOT planning on having children anytime too soon, I did see a few of them that really hit home to me.
One said "a husband needs a wife, not another mother," and that simple statement got me really thinking about these past 3 weeks. I've only been married a short time but I can tell you that I've learned a crazy amount of things in this short time. So, I've decided to make a list of my own.


10 Things I've Learned About Marriage (so far):

1. You're husband will annoy you more than you thought anyone could ever annoy you. It's just because he loves you.

2. Saying your sorry doesn't make you weak, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed for having to say you're sorry. It's actually a very humbling thing to do.

3. You do things for your husband, not for any reward, but because you want to. (cooking, cleaning, laundry)

4. Before marriage, you're so used to going to your friends for advice; After getting married, confiding in your husband is always number one.

5. If you want something, saying it out loud is the only way to go. "I want...." instead of beating around the bush.

6. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. My husband has seen me at my best, my worst, and everything in between.

7. Don't act too grown up to have fun. My husband is my best friend. Maybe sometimes, playing a game of hide and seek is what I want...being married doesn't make you a "grown up"

8. Be willing to take the blame more often then you are willing to blame. Most of the time it's both of our faults.

9. There's no rush to do anything. Except pay bills...

10. If you're too mad to lay cuddled up with your feet touching, then you're not ready to go to bed. Never ever go to bed mad.

I'm not a marriage expert, I know. I've got so much more to learn. I'll keep learning for the rest of my life, but living with someone new, you really learn a lot about them, and yourself. The blog I read last night (which I'll post a link to below) just got me in a very good mood. I keep thinking about how sweet and heartfelt that was, and I just wanted to think about the sweet things in marriage too.
I never really take the time to thank those who read my blog, but I will now. I really can't tell you how much it means to me. I know I never have anything really important to say, but I love doing it. I'm so glad that people continue to read. I've gotten a little over 3,000 views so far, and the number keeps climbing every time I post something new! It makes me so happy! So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys!
And of course,
Stay Excellent!

here's that link!

http://lisajobaker.com/2012/07/raising-a-girl-100-things-i-want-to-teach-my-daughter/

Aloha Diaries: questions?

Hello friends,
I figured since I'm sitting here watching a movie not doing much of anything, I'd take a second to post and answer some of the questions I've been getting. A lot of you are very curious about Hawaii, ie the food, the language, and just general questions.
To fill you in as much as I can, I live in a town called Kailua. It is about 20-30 minutes outside of Honolulu. There is a school here, a public library, quite a few little shops, and a few places to eat. Compared to Texas, I'd say it's just a bit smaller than Lufkin. Everything here is within walking distance, so there's a lot of people on foot but also many cars. If you've ever been to Destin, Florida, it kind of reminds me of that. A lot of buildings very close together. We have similar things to Texas like Jamba Juice, Starbucks, Macy's, and Whole Foods, but we also have some things that I haven't ever heard of...little shops and things.
A big question I've been getting..."is there a Walmart?"
Ha! Yes, guys. There is in fact a Walmart. Not in Kailua. I believe the closest Walmart is in Honolulu. I haven't been to it yet.
Another big question I get is, what language do they speak?
This question is a little difficult for me to answer because I am not really sure myself. For the most part, what I know is that the locals speak English with a very thick accent. Some of the older locals speak a different language and that's where words like "aloha," "mahalo," and "ohana" come from. Aloha and mahalo are very often used though. In English sentences. For example, flying over here the airlines would say "aloha, and mahalo for flying with us" which of course means hello, and thank you...
Although Hawaii is part of the United States, it feels like a completely different country over here. I love hearing all of your questions! It helps me explore everything down here!
If you have anymore questions feel free to ask! I miss and love you all.
Another frequently asked question: does it cost to text you?
No! So text and call me whenever!!
Stay excellent!

Aloha Diaries: Well, This is New

Well, I made it. I'm unscathed and getting settled into my new home here in Kailua. I have to say that I am very happy that I won't be making the trip back to Texas anytime soon. The 4 hour plane ride to Seattle, and 6 hour plane ride to Honolulu was enough travel time for me. I got here at about 9:30 pm (Hawaii time) on August 22nd. And ever since then we've been going going going. We went to the courthouse on Friday to get all of our paperwork done. Then on Saturday we had a beautiful ceremony on the beach at Yokohama Bay. It was perfect. Very simple, but perfect. After that we have just been running around trying to get all of the military paperwork done and tended to, which if any of you know anything about the military, you know that paperwork is...A LOT. A lot of things have to be done in order for Sam and I to receive all of our benefits.
But, beside all of the serious stuff, I have to say it still hasn't really hit me that I am officially a Lacy. Sam and I share a home together, go to the beach together, and spend 24 hours of the day with each other literally, but it still hasn't sunk in that I get this man for...forever. When I stop and think about it , I get this awesome feeling in my stomach. It's a mixture of butterflies and just plain happiness. I love him so very much, and I'm glad that he's my forever.
For those of you that don't know, Kailua is a small town on the island of Oahu. They have a school, grocery stores, a library, and actually a lot of fun things to go do, and to see. It's the perfect town to live in! Especially when Sam has to go back to work, and I'm stuck at home alone. I will have plenty of things to keep me entertained.
We live in a small one bedroom apartment that is a block away from a laundromat, and surrounded by several grocery stores (including a Whole Foods, which Sam loves for some reason) and we are just about a mile from the beach in Kailua. It's so beautiful here! I wish pictures could really capture it, but I don't feel like pictures do the town much justice.
So, all in all, I'm married. I'm happy. But it really hasn't hit me yet!
I appreciate everyone who has wished me well via Facebook and text message. I really love hearing from you all back home! I hope school is going well, and I want to hear all about it!!
As always,
stay Excellent 

Aloha Diaries: Let's GO!

Hello dears!
Alright, so I said I wouldn't write again before I got to Hawaii, but I figured that I would update you guys really quick while I'm waiting on my laundry to get done. So, I just thought I would let you all know my busy schedule over the next few days.
Tomorrow, I will finish all of my packing, and getting all of my ducks in a row. (which by the way, if you ever plan on moving halfway across the country, get ready for some serious bag squishing)
Then, on Wednesday my in-laws will be coming to get me and take me to Dallas to visit my sister in-law! I'm super excited. I'll be staying the night in Dallas, and flying out on Thursday!! Yay!
I am so very excited, but I have 10,000 things to do in order to get this all going! I know all these posts are kind of short but I just want to keep you guys updated, because people ask me questions all the time, so I will just let you guys all know whats going on!
In other GREAT news, I have been off of my depression medicines for about a month and a half now, and I feel absolutely amazing. I had been getting extremely frustrated with my medicine, because it was giving me a headache every single day, and the days when I would forget to take it, I wouldn't have a headache. So I just stopped taking it cold turkey. And I haven't had a single headache since then, at first I was a little depressed, and stressed out, but with Sam's help, and a ton of prayer I started getting better and better, and now I am just so ready to get married and live in hawaii that I haven't ever thought about the medicines.
So, this post is just really an update on everything, but I figured you guys would like to know whats going on
I will write soon, and as always
Stay Excellent!

Aloha Diaries

Hello all!
As most (if not all) of you know, I will be getting married extremely soon! I am so excited!! Words can't even explain how excited I am! But, on top of that I will be moving to Hawaii to be with my sweetheart while he finished out his time in the marine corps, so I've decided that I want to write this new section of my blog called "the Aloha Diaries" to document my time in Hawaii. Cause, let's be honest, it's pretty freaking cool that I am getting to live there!
So, this is just a short entry letting you guys know what's going on. I am leaving August 22nd, and I will be living in Kailua in an apartment. I hope to get to experience a ton of great things in my short time there! And this blog will help me document all that so I can remember, but also so you guys can keep up with me.
So! I won't be writing again until I get to Hawaii because the stress of the wedding is just about to kill me. (Almost) but, once I get there and get settled be expecting a couple posts a week!
I will miss you guys all so much, but I'm still super excited about going!
As always, stay excellent

my struggle; part 2

Hello again people,
I just wanted to give an update I suppose on my previous blog post. If you haven't read the first one, you might want to do that before reading this one.
I have depression. I have been struggling with it for 2-3 years now, and every time I start a new medication this thought passes through my head of "it's almost over. you're almost to the end"
but then I end up with a whole new batch of symptoms and all new problems to deal with.
Lately, I have been feeling very "stuck." I am always sleeping. I sleep until about 2:00 in the afternoon, and then I just lay in bed for the majority of the rest of the day. I didn't even have enough energy to paint a bookshelf this week. I do have my good days, where I can wake up at 10 or 11 and get up and shower. I might go do some things, but mostly I just lay.
I feel like my mind, and physical body is really just stuck in a place where I am perpetually angry and frustrated, and no one is trying to understand me. I'm very angry at my doctor for putting me through this, I'm angry at my family for not being able to understand where I'm coming from, and I'm angry at myself for needing the medicines in the first place.
I started this blog called "Let Us Begin" as a reminder to myself, that every day is new and fresh. But honestly, instead of slowly building up, it feels like each day is a new struggle even worse than the last. I feel like I'm sort of back tracking.
I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for last week, but it got canceled because my doctor was out of town. So, I spent the whole week trying to reschedule. Now it's rescheduled for the 14th, which means I still have 6 days of miserable just to try a new medicine and be miserable again. It feels very much like a dead end that I just don't have the energy to travel down.
I'm sorry for my absence writing recently. I just haven't really had the drive to write. I will keep updating you guys every so often on my struggle.
Once again, I'm not writing these things to make anyone feel sorry for me, by any means. I just really hope to help someone out there that is having the same problems as me.
I know one day it will all be okay, and the thought of that day keeps me pushing.
As always, Stay Excellent