Hello again people,
I just wanted to give an update I suppose on my previous blog post. If you haven't read the first one, you might want to do that before reading this one.
I have depression. I have been struggling with it for 2-3 years now, and every time I start a new medication this thought passes through my head of "it's almost over. you're almost to the end"
but then I end up with a whole new batch of symptoms and all new problems to deal with.
Lately, I have been feeling very "stuck." I am always sleeping. I sleep until about 2:00 in the afternoon, and then I just lay in bed for the majority of the rest of the day. I didn't even have enough energy to paint a bookshelf this week. I do have my good days, where I can wake up at 10 or 11 and get up and shower. I might go do some things, but mostly I just lay.
I feel like my mind, and physical body is really just stuck in a place where I am perpetually angry and frustrated, and no one is trying to understand me. I'm very angry at my doctor for putting me through this, I'm angry at my family for not being able to understand where I'm coming from, and I'm angry at myself for needing the medicines in the first place.
I started this blog called "Let Us Begin" as a reminder to myself, that every day is new and fresh. But honestly, instead of slowly building up, it feels like each day is a new struggle even worse than the last. I feel like I'm sort of back tracking.
I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for last week, but it got canceled because my doctor was out of town. So, I spent the whole week trying to reschedule. Now it's rescheduled for the 14th, which means I still have 6 days of miserable just to try a new medicine and be miserable again. It feels very much like a dead end that I just don't have the energy to travel down.
I'm sorry for my absence writing recently. I just haven't really had the drive to write. I will keep updating you guys every so often on my struggle.
Once again, I'm not writing these things to make anyone feel sorry for me, by any means. I just really hope to help someone out there that is having the same problems as me.
I know one day it will all be okay, and the thought of that day keeps me pushing.
As always, Stay Excellent
