This is Reality

Hello Friends!
Last night I was looking around on Pinterest (a guilty pleasure of mine) and I found the link to a blog post titled "100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter"
I read it, and it was the most wonderful thing I've ever read. So heartfelt, and just genuinely sweet. While, I am NOT planning on having children anytime too soon, I did see a few of them that really hit home to me.
One said "a husband needs a wife, not another mother," and that simple statement got me really thinking about these past 3 weeks. I've only been married a short time but I can tell you that I've learned a crazy amount of things in this short time. So, I've decided to make a list of my own.


10 Things I've Learned About Marriage (so far):

1. You're husband will annoy you more than you thought anyone could ever annoy you. It's just because he loves you.

2. Saying your sorry doesn't make you weak, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed for having to say you're sorry. It's actually a very humbling thing to do.

3. You do things for your husband, not for any reward, but because you want to. (cooking, cleaning, laundry)

4. Before marriage, you're so used to going to your friends for advice; After getting married, confiding in your husband is always number one.

5. If you want something, saying it out loud is the only way to go. "I want...." instead of beating around the bush.

6. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. My husband has seen me at my best, my worst, and everything in between.

7. Don't act too grown up to have fun. My husband is my best friend. Maybe sometimes, playing a game of hide and seek is what I want...being married doesn't make you a "grown up"

8. Be willing to take the blame more often then you are willing to blame. Most of the time it's both of our faults.

9. There's no rush to do anything. Except pay bills...

10. If you're too mad to lay cuddled up with your feet touching, then you're not ready to go to bed. Never ever go to bed mad.

I'm not a marriage expert, I know. I've got so much more to learn. I'll keep learning for the rest of my life, but living with someone new, you really learn a lot about them, and yourself. The blog I read last night (which I'll post a link to below) just got me in a very good mood. I keep thinking about how sweet and heartfelt that was, and I just wanted to think about the sweet things in marriage too.
I never really take the time to thank those who read my blog, but I will now. I really can't tell you how much it means to me. I know I never have anything really important to say, but I love doing it. I'm so glad that people continue to read. I've gotten a little over 3,000 views so far, and the number keeps climbing every time I post something new! It makes me so happy! So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys!
And of course,
Stay Excellent!

here's that link!

http://lisajobaker.com/2012/07/raising-a-girl-100-things-i-want-to-teach-my-daughter/

Aloha Diaries: questions?

Hello friends,
I figured since I'm sitting here watching a movie not doing much of anything, I'd take a second to post and answer some of the questions I've been getting. A lot of you are very curious about Hawaii, ie the food, the language, and just general questions.
To fill you in as much as I can, I live in a town called Kailua. It is about 20-30 minutes outside of Honolulu. There is a school here, a public library, quite a few little shops, and a few places to eat. Compared to Texas, I'd say it's just a bit smaller than Lufkin. Everything here is within walking distance, so there's a lot of people on foot but also many cars. If you've ever been to Destin, Florida, it kind of reminds me of that. A lot of buildings very close together. We have similar things to Texas like Jamba Juice, Starbucks, Macy's, and Whole Foods, but we also have some things that I haven't ever heard of...little shops and things.
A big question I've been getting..."is there a Walmart?"
Ha! Yes, guys. There is in fact a Walmart. Not in Kailua. I believe the closest Walmart is in Honolulu. I haven't been to it yet.
Another big question I get is, what language do they speak?
This question is a little difficult for me to answer because I am not really sure myself. For the most part, what I know is that the locals speak English with a very thick accent. Some of the older locals speak a different language and that's where words like "aloha," "mahalo," and "ohana" come from. Aloha and mahalo are very often used though. In English sentences. For example, flying over here the airlines would say "aloha, and mahalo for flying with us" which of course means hello, and thank you...
Although Hawaii is part of the United States, it feels like a completely different country over here. I love hearing all of your questions! It helps me explore everything down here!
If you have anymore questions feel free to ask! I miss and love you all.
Another frequently asked question: does it cost to text you?
No! So text and call me whenever!!
Stay excellent!

Aloha Diaries: Well, This is New

Well, I made it. I'm unscathed and getting settled into my new home here in Kailua. I have to say that I am very happy that I won't be making the trip back to Texas anytime soon. The 4 hour plane ride to Seattle, and 6 hour plane ride to Honolulu was enough travel time for me. I got here at about 9:30 pm (Hawaii time) on August 22nd. And ever since then we've been going going going. We went to the courthouse on Friday to get all of our paperwork done. Then on Saturday we had a beautiful ceremony on the beach at Yokohama Bay. It was perfect. Very simple, but perfect. After that we have just been running around trying to get all of the military paperwork done and tended to, which if any of you know anything about the military, you know that paperwork is...A LOT. A lot of things have to be done in order for Sam and I to receive all of our benefits.
But, beside all of the serious stuff, I have to say it still hasn't really hit me that I am officially a Lacy. Sam and I share a home together, go to the beach together, and spend 24 hours of the day with each other literally, but it still hasn't sunk in that I get this man for...forever. When I stop and think about it , I get this awesome feeling in my stomach. It's a mixture of butterflies and just plain happiness. I love him so very much, and I'm glad that he's my forever.
For those of you that don't know, Kailua is a small town on the island of Oahu. They have a school, grocery stores, a library, and actually a lot of fun things to go do, and to see. It's the perfect town to live in! Especially when Sam has to go back to work, and I'm stuck at home alone. I will have plenty of things to keep me entertained.
We live in a small one bedroom apartment that is a block away from a laundromat, and surrounded by several grocery stores (including a Whole Foods, which Sam loves for some reason) and we are just about a mile from the beach in Kailua. It's so beautiful here! I wish pictures could really capture it, but I don't feel like pictures do the town much justice.
So, all in all, I'm married. I'm happy. But it really hasn't hit me yet!
I appreciate everyone who has wished me well via Facebook and text message. I really love hearing from you all back home! I hope school is going well, and I want to hear all about it!!
As always,
stay Excellent 

Aloha Diaries: Let's GO!

Hello dears!
Alright, so I said I wouldn't write again before I got to Hawaii, but I figured that I would update you guys really quick while I'm waiting on my laundry to get done. So, I just thought I would let you all know my busy schedule over the next few days.
Tomorrow, I will finish all of my packing, and getting all of my ducks in a row. (which by the way, if you ever plan on moving halfway across the country, get ready for some serious bag squishing)
Then, on Wednesday my in-laws will be coming to get me and take me to Dallas to visit my sister in-law! I'm super excited. I'll be staying the night in Dallas, and flying out on Thursday!! Yay!
I am so very excited, but I have 10,000 things to do in order to get this all going! I know all these posts are kind of short but I just want to keep you guys updated, because people ask me questions all the time, so I will just let you guys all know whats going on!
In other GREAT news, I have been off of my depression medicines for about a month and a half now, and I feel absolutely amazing. I had been getting extremely frustrated with my medicine, because it was giving me a headache every single day, and the days when I would forget to take it, I wouldn't have a headache. So I just stopped taking it cold turkey. And I haven't had a single headache since then, at first I was a little depressed, and stressed out, but with Sam's help, and a ton of prayer I started getting better and better, and now I am just so ready to get married and live in hawaii that I haven't ever thought about the medicines.
So, this post is just really an update on everything, but I figured you guys would like to know whats going on
I will write soon, and as always
Stay Excellent!

Aloha Diaries

Hello all!
As most (if not all) of you know, I will be getting married extremely soon! I am so excited!! Words can't even explain how excited I am! But, on top of that I will be moving to Hawaii to be with my sweetheart while he finished out his time in the marine corps, so I've decided that I want to write this new section of my blog called "the Aloha Diaries" to document my time in Hawaii. Cause, let's be honest, it's pretty freaking cool that I am getting to live there!
So, this is just a short entry letting you guys know what's going on. I am leaving August 22nd, and I will be living in Kailua in an apartment. I hope to get to experience a ton of great things in my short time there! And this blog will help me document all that so I can remember, but also so you guys can keep up with me.
So! I won't be writing again until I get to Hawaii because the stress of the wedding is just about to kill me. (Almost) but, once I get there and get settled be expecting a couple posts a week!
I will miss you guys all so much, but I'm still super excited about going!
As always, stay excellent

my struggle; part 2

Hello again people,
I just wanted to give an update I suppose on my previous blog post. If you haven't read the first one, you might want to do that before reading this one.
I have depression. I have been struggling with it for 2-3 years now, and every time I start a new medication this thought passes through my head of "it's almost over. you're almost to the end"
but then I end up with a whole new batch of symptoms and all new problems to deal with.
Lately, I have been feeling very "stuck." I am always sleeping. I sleep until about 2:00 in the afternoon, and then I just lay in bed for the majority of the rest of the day. I didn't even have enough energy to paint a bookshelf this week. I do have my good days, where I can wake up at 10 or 11 and get up and shower. I might go do some things, but mostly I just lay.
I feel like my mind, and physical body is really just stuck in a place where I am perpetually angry and frustrated, and no one is trying to understand me. I'm very angry at my doctor for putting me through this, I'm angry at my family for not being able to understand where I'm coming from, and I'm angry at myself for needing the medicines in the first place.
I started this blog called "Let Us Begin" as a reminder to myself, that every day is new and fresh. But honestly, instead of slowly building up, it feels like each day is a new struggle even worse than the last. I feel like I'm sort of back tracking.
I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for last week, but it got canceled because my doctor was out of town. So, I spent the whole week trying to reschedule. Now it's rescheduled for the 14th, which means I still have 6 days of miserable just to try a new medicine and be miserable again. It feels very much like a dead end that I just don't have the energy to travel down.
I'm sorry for my absence writing recently. I just haven't really had the drive to write. I will keep updating you guys every so often on my struggle.
Once again, I'm not writing these things to make anyone feel sorry for me, by any means. I just really hope to help someone out there that is having the same problems as me.
I know one day it will all be okay, and the thought of that day keeps me pushing.
As always, Stay Excellent

A bittersweet aloha!

Aloha!!
If you guys have been keeping up with me, you know that I have been in Hawaii this past week visiting my boyfriend Sam before he deploys on May 2nd. I really went with the intention of seeing Sam, and I didn't even think about how beautiful it would be, but I have absolutely fallen in love with that place. It is literally, breathtakingly beautiful. Seeing such beautiful things made me just want to stop and thank God for everything. A week was not long enough to see/do everything I wanted to.
So, here I am in the Phoenix airport for my layover. I just stepped off of my 6 hour flight from Honolulu to Phoenix, and now I just have to board my 2 hour flight back home to Texas. I am super sad to say that it's over, and I don't get to see Sam for a long time, but 6 hours is a long time to just sit and think, and I have replayed all of the fantastic moments I had in Hawaii with him this past week, and I feel a very bittersweet happiness right now. I know that this next 9 months or so of deployment will be some of the hardest months of my life, but I also know that in the end it will be so worth it. I know that my God will help me push through this. I'm not saying that I won't have bad days and need encouragement, but I know that I can make it.
So! Enough of the sappy stuff, I just have to share some of my awesome Hawaiian stories with you guys! If you haven't ever been to Hawaii before...what are you doing reading this? Get on a plane right now and go...honestly. It is so beautiful!!
I stayed at MCBH (correct me if I'm wrong Sam) which is in Kaneohe. Which I believe is only 10-15 minutes outside of Honolulu. In order to get to Honolulu to eat or shop or anything, you have to take a drive through the hills and mountains. I really tried to take pictures, but pictures don't do it justice! I could have just ridden through the hills for hours and hours. I absolutely loved it.
One day Samuel got the brilliant idea to take a hike up a hill called KT hill. It didn't look too steep so I wasn't too concerned about it. We hiked the mile up and down this hill and were going to take a trail to the beach to spend the rest of our day there. I started to feel the heat about the time we got halfway back down KT hill. Then we still had to find the trail and walk all the way down it. Turns out, this "trail" led to NO WHERE. So, we had to walk all the way down the trail, and back again for nothing. We ended up going back to nap and then having someone drive us to the beach. Which would have been better in the first place. I'm not complaining though! It was super fun getting to spend time with Sam in the nice weather...even though my scalp is a little sunburnt now...
My favorite place that we ate on island was a little southern style restaurant called the Dixie Grill. It was so good! Just a tiny little hole in the wall barbecue place, but they had fried pickles...and you guys know I am a fan of pickles.
We also got to go shop a little bit at the Ala Moana mall, which is really cool! It's an "outdoor" mall, so you still get the beauty of Hawaii whilst shopping. We spent hours in that mall, partially because Sam likes to shop, but mostly because we forgot where we parked...hey, that place is huge!
I didn't plan on getting in the water at all, but I ended up doing it anyway. We went to Waimea Bay, (or North Shore. I get names confused) I decided to get in the FREEZING COLD WATER...oh wait, let me rephrase that. Samuel decided to THROW ME INTO THE FREEZING COLD WATER, and then my body adjusted so I was glad he did. The waves were really strong, especially for my weak body. I kept feeling like I was going to get sucked out to sea, but luckily I didn't.
All in all, it was the best week of my life, and I wish I didn't have to leave. Since I am in the airport I don't have all my camera things with me, so I can't post all of my pictures but they are coming soon. If you're interested, then get ready for some Hawaiian awesome all over your Facebook wall.
The one thing I regret about this week...not ever learning how to pronounce ANYTHING. It is so difficult to pronounce the highway names and town names.
for example:
Kamehameha...?
Likelike...(not pronounced how you'd expect)
Kaneohe...
Nu'uana...?
WHAT...
I tried so hard to pronounce things...but I just sounded like a weird mix of hillbilly Korean...
Anyway, I am glad to be coming home and seeing my family and friends. Can't wait to share more stories with everyone, and as always...Stay Excellent!

Brave the Shave

Okay okay, I know that recently every thing that comes out of my mouth is about this event, but I am really kind of in love with it.
For those of you that still don't know, Brave the Shave is an event happening in Austin, Texas on April 13th. It is hosted by a group in austin called S.M.I.L.E. and I actually don't know what this stands for...I apologize. However, I do know that all of the money raised is going to go towards pediatric cancer research, and that is a very important cause.
At this event, there is also the option of coming and having your head shaved, and this is why I back this event up 100%
Cancer is a huge deal. It is a terrible sickness that we sadly do not have a cure for. I really can't imagine how it feels to live with a disease like this. I would feel so set apart from the world, and to top it off you are taking medicines that make you lose your hair. So even just walking down the street, people brand you with this disease. You are the disease almost. I can't imagine what that feels like, and I absolutely hate that some humans have to go through this.
That's why I love this event. They not only want to raise money for research, but they also have a way of letting people with cancer know that they aren't alone, and that people support them completely.
I have decided (since my finances won't allow a donation), that I will be shaving my head. I am so super excited about it! I can't wait to be a part of this event, and see what awesome things are going to happen that day.
Just to keep it short, I've made a video about this event and you should watch it, if you would like to donate or get involved let me know.
Visit www.stbaldricks.org for more info on that as well, and as always...stay excellent!

my struggle

Well Hey guys, once again.
It has been a while since my last post but once again, I just haven't been feeling up to writing. As I said before on Facebook, this post is going to be about my battle with depression and anxiety. If you aren't up to reading this, I completely understand. The point of this post is not to get attention or sympathy, I simply want to help. This issue is not one that is really talked about, and it's actually a very prevalent thing that happens to many people, so if I can reach out to even just one person with this post, then I will be completely satisfied.
I don't quite remember when it all started. The first thing I can recall happening is that in the 4th grade I started having these "attacks" at night. I would feel like I was about to throw up and I couldn't breath. I would spend hours sitting by the toilet at night just crying, and no one knew what was wrong with me, or why I was doing this. They started getting worse and worse, to where I would have them at school during the day, and it was really just embarrassing. I think sometime around the 8th grade I started seeing an off-campus counselor. For those of you who don't know, a counselor is basically a psychiatrist that can't prescribe medications to you. All she could do was talk to me every week and see what she thought was wrong, then if further action needed to be taken, she could send me to a psychiatrist/psychologist, whatever their name is. I really don't know.
I talked to the counselor once a week for maybe a few months. I don't quite remember, it didn't seem like very long though. She said that I had an "anxiety disorder," and I probably needed medication for it. She even suggested another doctor to go to in order to get the medication, but my dad was pretty adamant about not having me put on medication. At the time, I really didn't understand it, but now I am so thankful that he was so against it.
I guess I just decided to cope with whatever was going on, because eventually I got to a point where I could feel one of these "attacks" coming on, and I could talk myself out of it, so I guess for a few years I was "okay."
Around my junior year, I started beginning to feel very tired and ill all the time. I wouldn't ever want to get out of bed. I really didn't see the point in waking up everyday and going to school. I thought this was just early onset senioritis kicking in, because I was so extremely ready to graduate. But the feeling started getting worse around october when I went through a really really hard break up. I finally went to the doctor and she prescribed me a medicine called Citalopram. She never actually said that I was "depressed" or had depression, because she was just my regular family doctor, but as soon as I took the medicine I started feeling better. I was happier and I wasn't sleeping nearly as much. I was on the medication for only a few months, and it stopped working. I was only taking 20 mg a day, so my doctor bumped me up to 40 mg a day. Taking 40 mg a day made me feel like I was going to die. I slept on average 13 hours a day, and really hated getting out of bed. It was almost like my entire body was in pain, so all I could do was sleep to not focus on the pain.
We changed my dosage down to 30 mg a day, and it was alright for a while, but after a few months I was back to where I was originally.
Going through this whole process really made me just want to die. I would wake up in the morning and just loathe having to get up and put effort into seeing people and doing things. I didn't want to be on a medicine, I didn't want to have to rely on a pill to determine my mood that day, or how much energy I would have. I had absolutely no hope for the future.
Very recently, my doctor put me on a new medication called Fluoxitine. It is suppose to help with my lack of energy. This pill has made me tired, and angry, and extremely irritable. I have missed many days of work and school. I am mostly just tired of having to change medications at this point.
However, I do have some days that are good where I can wake up and force myself to get out of bed and get dressed. A friend recently told me that there will be an easier day up ahead. I am using this to get me through this rough time. I'm still sad, angry, tired, and extremely lethargic, but I know that there will be a day soon where life is so much easier for me.

I really hope that this post helps someone. If you have any questions for me about my personal battle, I'd be more than happy to answer them for you, and if you really took the time to read this, I very much appreciate it.
As always, stay excellent!

finally...

Hello guys and dolls! I hope your Monday is starting off on the right foot/side of the bed/whatever other expression you can think of.
I am writing this post from the inside of the beautiful Standpipe Coffee House. I love this place. I always come here to do my homework. They play the best music and have the best coffee, SUCK IT STARBUCKS.
You guys, something happened this morning, and I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I mean, this is legendary. It changes my whole entire outlook on life. I might even just have to change my whole existence. Because...
My 8:00 am Algebra class was canceled.
Oh. My. Stars.
This hasn't ever happened before. I don't know how to feel. In the past 3 consecutive years of taking 8 am classes, not ONE has ever been canceled. Apparently my professor had a serious migraine. So Dr. Haas, feel better...but thank you Jesus for my free morning! I wasn't feeling the algebra flowin' through the ole veins this morning.
I'd much rather feel Standpipe coffee flowing through my veins. *twitch

Well, this weekend was a rather productive one for me. I woke up fairly early on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I cleaned house, did laundry, and even read a book! But by the time Sunday came around my usual three day weekend was starting to drag on. After three days of sitting around essentially doing nothing, I really had nothing left to do. Shocker. So, I sat around the house moping all day yesterday. I tend to do that. Feel sorry for myself. Is that a girl thing, or just a Hannah thing?
Either way, I really need to quit.
I just tend to get in these moods where I feel "pointless," as I put it all day yesterday. But, that seems really ridiculous now that I am in a good mood. I have absolutely nothing to be sad about.
except that maybe my coffee is gone now. meh.
But, really I think everyone has those days where they just want to be sad. Nothing that happens will make them happy. It is a perfectly normal human experience. Which I think is silly. Sadness shouldn't even be a real human emotion. It just makes everything seem a little bit gray, if that makes sense. It's perfectly normal to have "sad days," so don't feel alone.

So, the next time you're feeling down, call me up and I will serenade you, or bring you chocolate and flowers, or maybe even take you for a ride in my car. Ohhh fun!

Something to note;
 I am really trying to get my YouTube account to be something worth watching. I love blogging and vlogging and making videos, so if there is anything that seems particularly interesting to be put in video form message me, or text me, or Facebook me and let me know.

Thanks for reading and please, PLEASE...stay excellent!

back in the groove

Hello everyone!! Today was my first day back at school after Christmas break, and it went well considering I only had one class this morning! Woo! I think most students went back today, and I hope you all had good first days! If you've already been back, then I hope your semester is going well.
I only had one class this morning, I have another one at 6pm, but my first class went really great! I had algebra, and its a fairly small class, and my professor seems nice. The only real issue I have with the class is that it's at 8am in the morning, but since I work, my school schedule is a little goofy.
I am making this post today, because I just had an epiphany this morning.
I really like where I am right now. Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. A lot of people really don't like Angelina College (which is where I am taking classes. Go road runners) but I was so excited to get up and go to class this morning! I am really blessed to be able to even have the opportunity to go to any college in the first place.
A lot of people "hate" Lufkin. I could not be happier to be back in my home town. I'm close to family, I know my way around, and it just feels like home.
I've made decisions in life that have lead me to be where I am today, and I've made the choice to be happy about it. If you know me, you know I like to complain. I admit, I'm a huge whiney baby, but I've made the decision that I'm not going to waste my time being sad about it anymore.
Because, that's exactly what it is. A total waste of time. Recent decisions have led me to where I am today, and now since it's an entire new year I know that even more decisions I make will lead to even more changes. Good, or bad.
I really do feel like this is where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I don't feel like my mistakes have ruined my life, or effected me that drastically. I have changed, but not for the negative.
Everyone that knows what has happened recently expects me to be hurt, and honestly I am. Every day is a really big challenge, but I have to make the choice to wake up, get dressed, be happy, and not let anyone see a single tear on my face. It isn't an easy thing, but as the days go by it's getting to be less of a choice and more of a habit. I love where I am, and I love who I am. Though I have made some serious mistakes in the past, I will not let them define who I am now.
It seems like my posts are getting shorter and shorter, but I just really want to say what's on my mind some times, and so I do!
I hope that this semester is peachy for everyone! If you have any suggestions or requests of what I should write my next post about, please feel free to do so. Comment on my link, or shoot me a message.
Stay Excellent (and warm)!

2013 is here!

Hey guys! How was everyone's Christmas and New Year celebrations? I hope they were as great as mine! I got to see all of my family and friends, I'm kind of sad that it is over.
But, since the new year has officially begun, according to my calendar, I believe it is time for me to make my New Year's Resolutions!
Normally, I do not even go through the trouble of making resolutions for myself because I don't feel passionately enough about something to change my entire life because of it. As in, some people give up sweets...eh, momma likes chocolate. I don't think so.
Some people say they are going to work out more. That's cool! Great! But it lasts about a week for me, and then I completely forget that I made that resolution.
But, this year I decided that there is something that I feel pretty good about actually changing my life for it. I have made a few blogs in the past about my hair, and how much I dye my hair, and cut it, etc etc. I have decided that for the entire year of 2013 I will not dye or cut my hair.
I still have some blonde that I need to get rid of, and I need a trim, but other than keeping my hair healthy, I will not be altering it!
I'm hoping that at the end of the year, my hair will be long enough to donate to Locks of Love, and if it isn't, then I will just keep growing it out until it is!
I think this is a good new year's resolution for me because, not only do I damage my hair A LOT with the constant dying, but, I also think it's really important to show yourself that image isn't everything. I'm a big supporter of groups like Locks of Love, but I've always been to obsessed with my own hair to even donate! So, I'm setting aside my love for my own hair this year, and trying to keep others in mind.
I would love to hear all of your new year's resolutions! I also hope that everyone's year is a great one!
I think 2013 is going to an awesome year for me, I can feel it!
Stay Excellent!