I really didn't plan on posting about Lizzie on my blog or Facebook, just because I felt like I didn't have the right to. Yes, she was a great friend to me, but she had many friends that were a lot closer to her, so I felt as though I didn't have the right to feel as sad as I did. But, on Wednesday morning when I got the news, I broke down. It's been actually really hard for me these past few days.
I wasn't ever super close to Lizzie. We had always been church friends and I admired her for being such an amazing Christian even through some of her personal struggle that she would share during Sunday school and various bible studies. But, we weren't ever the "call each other up on the weekend to hang out" type friends.
We both went off to our different colleges, and didn't speak to each other for quite some time.
As most of you know, my first semester at UT Tyler did not go well. I ended up dropping out after the first month, and living with my boyfriend at the time. I did not claim God as my savior, and I was very very far from where I needed to be, doing bad things to my mind and body.
My family desperately tried to get me to come home and try to get my life back on track, but I ignored all of their pleas and eventually ignored their phone calls. I didn't answer any texts or phone calls because I knew that everyone thought I was crazy and just wanted me to come back to lufkin.
One random day, I got a text from Lizzie. She just asked me how I was doing, as if we had just talked the day before. She kept asking questions about school and what I was doing now. I felt a little embarrassed telling Lizzie that I had dropped out and pretty much given up, but she never showed any judgement at all. She kept the conversation very casual, and just ended it by saying "I'm praying for you."
This little conversation really stuck with me, because she hadnt said that I was "wrong" or "bad" for the situation I was in. For the next weeks, she texted me often. Almost everyday. Asking how I was doing, and just having casual conversation again. Never once passing a single judgement. I finally opened up to Lizzie and told her how terrible I felt, and how depressed I had gotten. Opening up to Lizzie took so much weight off of my shoulders. I remember telling her "I really don't know what to do anymore." Her response was "when I don't know what to do, I pray first...but then I ask my family"
The next week, I was back home in Lufkin with my family. I was back in church trying to salvage what little relationship with God I still had. I owe a lot to Lizzie, and thinking back on everything these past few days, I really wish I would have done so many things differently. I wish I would have thanked her for being there for me even though we weren't the "best of friends". I wish I would have taken more pictures with her to remember our ridiculous times together. I wish I would have gone to see her more often. So many things that I can't change now.
Now, I'm married (which Lizzie always said was "so weird!!") and my life is back on track. My relationship with God is still not where it needs to be, and this is just another way that Lizzie has touched my life. Her passing has helped me realize that I have a lot of work to do if I want to live like Lizzie. It might be hard, and some days I might feel like I can't go on, but it is possible, and I can do it.
So to Lizzie, I say thank you. Thank you for caring about me and loving me. Thank you for showing me how to live in God's image. Thank you for the laughs, thank you for the memories, and thank you for giving me my family back.
I love you, and I'll see you later.
